We're not quite there yet, but we know these obvious categories are (to be honest) . . . bullshit.
People are more interesting than that. People are more diverse than that. I, like many of you, am more interesting than that (at least to me).
So what are you? How do you define yourself? If you're reading this blog, then you probably don't define yourself in a mainstream category.
There's a term that many people use to express their distress with defining themself: Gender Confusion.
Appropriate, perhaps. It certainly feels confusing. I found it highly embarrassing growing up. Labels define us and give us comfort, but they also force restrict us. If you think you are something, then doesn't that mean to be it you have to fit into every tiny part of the definition.
In the BDSM lifestyle, people have opened up some of those labels in ways that would make Kinsey proud. I'm not Dominant or submissive; I'm a switch who leans heavily toward submissive. It's a way of telling someone what my interests are without launching into a long diatribe about every little experience and feeling that splits me off from the main herd.
Gender is a little different, but how about this as a definition?
Pseudo Fetishistic Transvestite.
Jesus. Who would want to be that? Just the term "Transvestite" comes with its own dose of humiliation and nonacceptance, now add "Pseudo" and you get the idea that I'm not even an authentic Transvestite. Then throw in Fetish and you get the idea that I'm running around in a gimp suit (a.k.a. covered in leather from head to toe with a leather hood, etc.).
The odd thing about me is I'm very normal. I have sex with women. I have no interest in having sex with men, but I like men. I have many male friends, but no, we don't discuss my sexuality, because we don't discuss their sexuality.
First, let's apply the term and I'll what it means to me (if you're interested . . . if not, I'll throw in another pretty picture of a pretty woman).
Second, I'm not really much of a cross dresser. I have dressed in the past, but I found it more exciting to shop for and acquire the clothes than I did to wear them. (I'm not very pretty as a woman, just so you know.)
Third, it's the fantasy (hence the word "pseudo") that is exciting. In the real world, I can think of nothing better than diving into the warm, soft flesh of a woman and using every tool (heh, I said "tool") at my disposal to send her to dizzying heights of ecstasy.
So, I'm a straight guy who loves the fantasy of being turned into a woman, but in actuality doesn't act upon any of those desires, though I do like a little roleplay in my relationships that can learn that way.
The disadvantages I feel to being this way are this:
- It's not widely accepted, certainly not by men and not by many women, who can't or won't understand that anyone might have a sexuality different from their own.
- I've been ashamed of it and therefore repressed it (which only makes matter worse) and felt for the longest time like I have a "thing inside me" or a "beast inside me" that won't go away. Disassociating from it leads to dire consequences.
- Even within the fetish community sometimes there is misunderstanding and nonacceptance.
- I've always taken great pride at being a little different. Well . . . this is different. Congratulate me.
- I have a much better understanding of women (and often people) and enjoy sympathizing / empathizing with women. This, I feel, makes me a better person.
- If ever I needed a passionate subject to write about, I have it (in spades or, er, heels).
- Venus envy isn't such a bad thing. Rather than behaving as a misogynistic jerk, I support my female friends and I know in my heart they're great people who are capable of great things.